my name is
a runic spell
cast when the one
they bore & hated
was delivered hurt
lonely & afraid
to a dead mother
under the midnight sun
Lilith took me
my shit smeared
and hungry face
leading me down
a treacherous path
to the dark
of my core
on fire yet frozen
Cronos brought me
to the feet
of a Jade Madonna
to be ensouled
in the catacombs
of Medusa’s Temple
I was split tongue
kissed by Lucifer
on my solar return
melting my mask
my shield falling
to the ground
the last vestige
of my armor
a gift promised
at my first breath
a new being
forged by hellfires
and the pressures
of societal norms
I emerge naked
from victorious birth
if you think
you knew me
i promise you
you didn’t
for how could you
if I myself
hadn’t yet even reached
the molten core
of the star
you now gaze upon
Real Side:
I’m coming out on the other side of an experience that has been massively destabilizing in some of the most painful and beautiful ways. I am being required to pivot in ways and at speeds that are very difficult to pull off and require a great deal of personal focus and self respect.
As this ordeal of mine has played out, I have observed who* has and has not shown up, as well as the ways and whys. I’m now carrying a profound amount of clarity and conviction for my direction (even when I don’t always know what direction that is).
I know clarity will continue to come for me, as it always does. And, so far, I’m absolutely clear on:
1. It is my responsibility to meet my own needs and to request support of the appropriate people when I feel it necessary.
2. I am the only one who gets to decide what is supportive and loving to receive for myself.
3. I get to say NO without explanation to receiving something from you that you believe is supportive or loving (even if that means my suffering will continue).
4. I need a lot of space and grace to function on the daily and others need to leave me TF alone if being witness to my struggle or suffering makes it difficult for them to respect my autonomy.
Here is my nonnegotiable boundary:
I am not obligated to accept what you offer, I do not owe you an explanation for what I decline and I do not owe you details about my life or whereabouts at any time.
Period.
Not because of what you’ve done for me, not because of your feelings for me, not because of gifts/offerings you’ve received from me and certainly not because you have simultaneous access to my social media profiles and my personal contact information.
If you’ve helped me with IRL problem(s), I am certain I have expressed my gratitude to your face in the ways that I had capacity for and/or arranged recompense at the time, before writing here, now. If that wasn’t enough, I believe you’re holding onto some shiz and it’s beyond time to either speak it to my face or let it (and possibly me) go.
If you have feelings about me, whatever they are, consider what we have agreed that we owe to each other, as well as the type of relationship we have. Then be still and silent with the question of whether I owe you answers/actions to soothe you about my personal situation or … might you ask me what type of support would feel nourishing to me to receive from you? OR… do you even have the capacity and desire to support me in the first place?
[Plot twist, saying NO to that last question is A-OK, regardless of my feelings on it. Truly. Saying “No” frees us both up to get better and more from somewhere else in far more easeful and joyful ways. Think: “if it’s not a F-Yeah!, it’s a F-No!”]
If we’re in some kind of energetic exchange where you receive from me, and we are NOT also in some kind of intimate interpersonal relationship, you are receiving what you are entitled to. If you need more, I invite you to hit up my landing page and see what I have on offer that might feel nourishing.
And, finally, if you’re a stranger enjoying the samples in my house and feel entitled to anything from me at all, you can take that jacked up shiz right off my front porch, tout suite. My block game is strong, buddy. (And, BTW, if you’re not enjoying the free samples, why are you even here?)
This is a razor sharp boundary because I no longer have the energy (ie, health and vitality) or desire to play polite society with people who fail to see (or respect) where they end and I begin and, because I’ve woken up to the reality that I decide where my edges are and I am the only one responsible for their upkeep. So, trust. After 46 years of having been hurt by and, have myself, hurt far too many people by not respecting the kinds of things I’m speaking of here, now. It is absolutely supportive and loving to everyone for me to take this responsibility seriously. And, at this point in my life, I take this responsibility deadly seriously because, for me, it is a matter of life and death. My life and death.
I want to, and will, do other things with my life than field distortion and interference from people who don’t respect my autonomy because they “worry too much” for me or would “do it differently.”
If you’re feeling cut right now, recognize that as your invitation to move away from me and take up some space of your own somewhere else while you tend to your wounds. Getting in touch with what your body and emotions have to say about what they need from you is an excellent place to begin and will leave you without much attention span to be preoccupied about what I’m doing.
All that said… if you’re feeling like a lucky punk, welcome to the jungle! Check your coat at the door. But, keep in mind, any space that I’ve created is my world and you are a guest. Treat it like the wilderness (because it is), pack-in pack-out (ie, take out what you bring in), and finally, proceed at your own peril because you might just be the next snack.
Or… You might find something unexpected, beautiful & awe-inspiring.
Your journey is up to you.
• The Compass: XIV – Temperance, retrograde. (23Aug-21Sep25)
• This is a season of taking a step back to pull into yourself and your internal authority. Being overly involved and not taking time to for stillness and silence will keep you in the unnecessary cycle of fear and toxic anger.
• The Pillars:
• 3rd Quarter Moon in Taurus (16Aug25) Ten of Pentacles.
• There are many who say that “you are the one that your ancestors dreamed of.” I would contend that some of us are the stuff of our ancestors’ nightmares, come to take back the rightful inheritance of peace and abundance by being the light so bright in your lineage that the truth can’t help but show through the grime.
• New Moon in Virgo (23Aug25) Three of Cups.
• Laughing with loved ones will literally extend your life. So, if you’re into that kinda thing, do it. Be silly with your people. Dance with them in the darkness of the new moon to celebrate the connection that can be made when you let yourself be vulnerable with others.
• 1st Quarter Moon in Sagittarius (31Aug25) Four of Swords.
• It doesn’t matter if you’re falling down from exhaustion or if you’re just “resting” your eyes. Either way, you must retreat and nurse the wounds that are still open and healing before proceeding on in the march. All that you hope for in life is waiting and counting on you to rest.
• Full Moon in Pisces (7Sep25) Ace of Cups, retrograde.
• The party has ended, and the hangover is pernicious. You look for your cup for a little hair of the dog but find the cup you left the night before overturned and the contents lost, but you don’t remember what happened. Was it all fun and games? Did someone knock it over absent mindedly? Or did someone dump it out carelessly? How can you handle finding what you need now?
• The Lantern: XIV – The Judge.
• Here we are again, being asked to consider the weight of our hearts against that of a feather. Discernment and right action are necessary for the times we are in. If your heart is light, standing strong in your convictions will be simple and straightforward. If your heart is heavy, though, it may be useful to consider having a devotional practice of silence and stillness, for that is the way to calm the inner critic.
• The Vessel: 30th Path – The Sun, retrograde.
• It is a season to bridge your intuition and your logic to receive the clarity to move forward. There is an opportunity here for self-mastery on levels you’ve not yet encountered before. But if you stay true to who you are at your core, you will find yourself basking in the warm rays of the sun.
• The Mirror: 14 – The Gift.
*important asterisk note*
if any of my children (born of my body or no) are reading my work here, know that zero percent of this boundary making applies to you. You and I exist in a parallel universe together where the social contracts are slightly different than where the people I’m talking to here live)